all about that happiness...
I remember how you always used to tell me that I'm always happy.
and it's true, i really did laugh a lot over there, especially around you. i never realized that, i guess, until y'all over there in the states started telling me that i always seemed happy and laughing. and recently you told me that this happiness attracted you, and i started even more thinking about that whole thing.
yesterday i was at that youth thing with my friends - and idk why, but i simply wasnt able to smile anymore. well, even if i dont feel good, i usually still pretend to be happy, but i couldnt yesterday. the last couple of weeks and months have pretty much powered me out and exhausted me, plus thinking and kind of worrying about u and us, so whatever i tried, it just didnt work. and people asked me about after the first hi what was wrong.
so i kinda realized, i do laugh a lot i know, it's dumb. but in a way it made me think of what you said, and wondering, if we would work out also in the obvious times that im not okay, and not happy.
well, im not gonna lie, it worked today again and im glad. sometimes i worry that you and me, it's taking over, you know? that you and seeing you again is all that i want for my life, that i dont consider any other plans.
I really didn't want to go through that whole - checking my e-mails in the morning, waiting for a message from you - thing again, but i guess it has long started. im so afraid to find out in the end, that it's all not meant to be, all not going to work out, that im chasing a dream that's never gonna come true. im so afraid that one day you'll just introduce me to your new girlfriend. because already now, this thought is breaking my heart so much. even though i know, that god has a great plan, the very best. it's so hard to see.
goodness, baby, i miss you so much. you're sometimes all i think, all i dream about, all day long. sometimes i just walk around, thinking of what i could tell you, thinking of introducing you to my world, my environment, to my friends, to everything around me. i wish i just could.
i love you.