you know what?
I've been thinking so much about you, and me, and if we would've worked out or not.
for so long i was sure, we wouldn't have. im so convinced that we are way different, that i couldn't handle being with you.
I'm sure we are different. but there's another thing i know now:
we would've worked out. Just because I would've tried anything, anything to make us work out.
I miss you so much, baby. I love you!
sometimes I'm just curious where I'm gonna be in 5, 10 years. I'm just curious, what your gonna do with this mess inside of me, with him, with me, with us together. I wonder, if there'll even ever be a "us", and I wonder, if not, why I met him. Why we fell in love, so hardly. but at times, im just curious, and i can't wait to see, because after all, i know, youre just gonna do the very best for us.
but there are other times, when i simply don't wanna let go, no matter what, where all these feelings are so much stronger than being reasonable, realistic. when i feel like i love him so badly, and i couldn't live without him. and that hurts, because i have no clue, how and what it's gonna be.
God, I ask you to take over!!
everything is gonna be okay in the end. and if it's not okay, it's not the end.
everything happens for a reason. <3
I remember how you always used to tell me that I'm always happy.
and it's true, i really did laugh a lot over there, especially around you. i never realized that, i guess, until y'all over there in the states started telling me that i always seemed happy and laughing. and recently you told me that this happiness attracted you, and i started even more thinking about that whole thing.
yesterday i was at that youth thing with my friends - and idk why, but i simply wasnt able to smile anymore. well, even if i dont feel good, i usually still pretend to be happy, but i couldnt yesterday. the last couple of weeks and months have pretty much powered me out and exhausted me, plus thinking and kind of worrying about u and us, so whatever i tried, it just didnt work. and people asked me about after the first hi what was wrong.
so i kinda realized, i do laugh a lot i know, it's dumb. but in a way it made me think of what you said, and wondering, if we would work out also in the obvious times that im not okay, and not happy.
well, im not gonna lie, it worked today again and im glad. sometimes i worry that you and me, it's taking over, you know? that you and seeing you again is all that i want for my life, that i dont consider any other plans.
I really didn't want to go through that whole - checking my e-mails in the morning, waiting for a message from you - thing again, but i guess it has long started. im so afraid to find out in the end, that it's all not meant to be, all not going to work out, that im chasing a dream that's never gonna come true. im so afraid that one day you'll just introduce me to your new girlfriend. because already now, this thought is breaking my heart so much. even though i know, that god has a great plan, the very best. it's so hard to see.
goodness, baby, i miss you so much. you're sometimes all i think, all i dream about, all day long. sometimes i just walk around, thinking of what i could tell you, thinking of introducing you to my world, my environment, to my friends, to everything around me. i wish i just could.
i love you.
dyou remember how you told me that if you really love someone once, you never really stop loving them?
the more time goes by, the more intense are my feelings getting, the more i fear that you were right.
baby, i may have failed, but i had loved you from the start.
baby, i still love you.
and im almost sure, this will never end.
right now, i just couldnt picture myself with anyone but you, only you.
i left my heart in your hands. are you taking good care of it?
are you even worth all that?
baby, tell me, how do you really feel, what do you really think?
gosh, of course i know you're taking relationships seriously. heck yeah i know. and i dont doubt that you mean everything you say. and yet i dont know if you're worth all that thinking, that dreaming and hoping. what if you just realize before me that there's no point in it someday? what if i'll never be able to admit that to myself? or is there? am i worth you all that?
oh man. i hate that. i hate all that thinking, and wondering, and worrying.
you tell me so often that you feel the same way and yet, is it really the same way? do you really?